His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
