That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
