i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize