If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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