i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
