Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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