I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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