Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
