Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
