69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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