Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
