got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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