hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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