my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need a beard to bite.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
