Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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