U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
