It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
