I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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