There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
