to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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