I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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