You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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