i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
two words...techno handjob
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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