Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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