we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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