I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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