found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
