i was born a porn star she said
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
