some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
