I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
