dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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