Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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