FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
