He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
