covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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