the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
