I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
