Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
