I puked a lego.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize