you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
