evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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