i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
