just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
