I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
