I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
