After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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