Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
