he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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