Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
