girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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