Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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