Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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