Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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