I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
