it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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