Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
