Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
