hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
