i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize