My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
