i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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