I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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