I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
