At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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