your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
