either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
