Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
