Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
