I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
